Power and biases: Why a coach might stop coaching
The next article in a series with anonymous contributors. A coach details their journey and why they've paused their coaching.
A recent UK Coaching survey is looking at why coaches stop coaching. One Rugby Union coach tells us why they recently stepped away.
I’ve been very grateful to have been able to support my son throughout his mini and junior rugby, all the way through to the senior setup.
Watching his journey unfold, from those early nervous U9 sessions to becoming part of the senior squad, has been one of my proudest experiences as a parent. This made me become even more determined to give something meaningful back to the game and to the club that had given him, and me, so much.
When he was selected for his pathway programmes including the county team, it was an incredible achievement, especially considering he came from a school with no rugby program.
Watching him reach that level, knowing the journey he had taken from his very first U9 session, made all the early mornings, guidance, and moments of doubt completely worth it. It was a proud reminder of how far dedication, support, and a love for the game can take a young player.
The pathway structures at that time and today are supported by grassroots volunteers. I was keen to experience that environment, not only to deepen my own understanding of the game but also to take the valuable insights and “nuggets” back to our club.
It was a chance for me to see how high-level pathways operated, learn from experienced coaches, and bring fresh ideas to benefit the players I was supporting at home.
During my time within these pathways, I had the opportunity to rub shoulders with some truly outstanding and highly experienced coaches. It was inspiring to see their knowledge, dedication, and passion firsthand.
At the same time, I was keen to share my own coaching philosophy, particularly my gamification and player-led approach.
I wanted to show that even at grassroots or development levels, giving players ownership, encouraging creativity, and making learning fun could have a real impact on their development and enjoyment of the game.
My son also progressed through the pathway, and soon we reguarly had three-hour round trips. It was exhausting, but seeing him develop and thrive made every minute worthwhile.
Those evenings were a real lesson in dedication, commitment, and the lengths families go to support their young players.
I soon found out he wasn’t enjoying the experience, so he stepped away from the environment and focused on club rugby. When he stepped onto the pitch with his friends, the smile returned.
That realization hit me hard. It reshaped how I thought about coaching, player development, and the balance between structure and fun.
I didn’t want this lesson to go to waste, so when I was asked to lead a pathway age group, I jumped at the opportunity. With my whiteboard, pens, challenge cards and headbands in hand, I set out to create a fun, purposeful, and wonderfully chaotic learning environment.
My goal was simple: players should be engaged, making decisions, learning through play, and above all, having fun, while still developing the skills and understanding required at that level.
At the moment, I have taken a sabbatical from coaching at all levels. I have changed careers and cannot commit 100% to coaching at that level. Stepping back has been a difficult decision, but necessary, allowing me to focus on my new professional path while still staying connected to the game I love in other ways.
I also stepped back due to a few difficult conversations. I found that my coaching was being challenged due to my lack of playing experience. I was also asked to coach in a way that clashed with my ethics, morals and coaching philosophy.
What have I learned?
I’ve learned that coaching is about far more than Xs and Os or having an extensive playing background.
It’s about creating environments where players feel safe, engaged, and empowered to learn through play. I’ve learned that fun and creativity are just as important as structure and discipline, sometimes more so.
I’ve also learned the value of observation and curiosity: taking the time to watch, listen, and adapt can teach you as much as any formal course or manual.
Supporting my son through mini, junior, and senior rugby showed me how powerful encouragement, belief, and thoughtful guidance can be in shaping a player’s experience and confidence.
Finally, I’ve learned that staying true to your values, respect, enjoyment, and development, matters more than titles, positions, or external approval. Rugby is a game of life skills, and the best coaches are those who nurture growth, both on and off the pitch.
What now?
I want to stay connected to the game in ways that fit with my life and values. I continue to support players, share my ideas, and contribute to the rugby community, even if I can’t commit 100% to formal coaching or senior rugby.
It’s about quality over quantity and making the time I do spend meaningful, purposeful, and fun.
I also carry forward everything I’ve learned: the importance of player-led learning, gamification, creativity, and, above all, enjoyment.
My coaching philosophy remains rooted in these principles, and I hope to inspire others, players, parents, and fellow coaches alike, to see rugby not just as a sport, but as a way to grow, connect, and develop life skills.
Ultimately, stepping back doesn’t mean stepping away from the game I love. It means finding new ways to engage, to contribute, and to keep passing on the lessons and joy that rugby has given me.
I’ve taken my coaching philosophy, a player-centered approach, always keeping true to my values around learning through games, all the way up to club U18s.
Along the way, I’ve been questioned many times for my unorthodox methods and faced plenty of pushback. At the same time, I’ve received a huge amount of encouragement, particularly from my old players, who have shared how much they valued and enjoyed the environment I created.
Those moments of support have been just as rewarding as any on-field success and have reinforced my belief that coaching is about more than just results; it’s about nurturing players, fostering creativity, and keeping the game fun.
Sabbaticals are never easy, especially when they mean stepping away from something you love and have devoted the last 10 years to. Taking this time to reflect has been invaluable.
I’ve always been a busy person, especially in my own headspace, and it’s been good to clear that space and really think about what’s next.
Taking a break doesn’t mean I’ve stopped keeping an eye on coaching practices. I’ve seen some really inspiring sessions, but I’ve also noticed that some coaches, particularly in the mini and junior sections, could benefit from additional support.
Taking this time to reflect has reignited my passion for how mini and junior coaching should evolve. I believe there’s so much potential to improve the way we develop young players, supporting coaches with the right tools, guidance, and fresh ideas so they can inspire the next generation.
Grassroots coaching is the lifeblood of the game. Without the amazing volunteers who give up their time, rugby, like any sport, would struggle to thrive.
It’s so important that clubs invest in upskilling all their coaches, whether through NGB-approved CPD, professional club events, or by exposing them to ideas from other sports. Providing coaches with new perspectives and tools not only empowers them but also benefits the players they work with.
The industry can also support coaches who want to take a break by keeping them in the loop, maintaining connections, and extending an open invitation to return when the time is right.
This ensures that valuable experience and passion are never lost and that coaches feel welcome back whenever they’re ready.
When I’ve been asked what I miss most from stepping back, it’s the people; the connections, friendships, and the sense of community that comes from being part of something bigger than yourself.
I’ve also been asked how I might return. I think I’d like to start again from the beginning, with the U9s where it all began. This time, I’d bring with me the experience and lessons learned over the years, the highs and lows, the do’s and don’ts, while still sharing the same passion for the game.
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